Loss and Lessons

When something difficult or painful happens, Gayze, always look to see what it makes possible that wouldn’t have otherwise been possible.

Like a new adventure, a closer friendship, or chocolate in your peanut butter.

Everything makes you better,
The Universe

I was angry this morning. This post planned to be a vent, a warning to others, and a way to express the hurt, the anger, the upset I’ve been feeling since my father died on February 26th.

And then, just before I opened my browser to write the post, I checked my TUT Thought from the Universe for this morning, and found the above.  Once again the Universe found a way to smack me upside the head and tell me to think clearly.

The truth is, I really don’t feel like thinking clearly.  I want to cry, to whine, to complain — all of which, if you’ve read my blog for a while, really is not the focus of this website.  I do appreciate, though, the timely reminder (as so often happens) that there is always a silver lining, and that, even though I might not feel like looking for it today, it will eventually make itself evident.

The original name of this post was going to be “Leeches and Predators”.  It was going to be about heartless people who lurk behind rocks of deceit, waiting to pounce on and take advantage of families in their grief.  It was going to be about the Main Street lawyer who immediately hit us with a fee of “five percent of the total estate”, which would have nearly wiped out the small bank account my dad left behind, and would have eventually caused us to lose our home.  Said attorney then shrewdly wheedled it down, out of his kindness and generosity, of course, to “just” an hourly rate of “only” $250/hour.  It’s still going to take a big chunk, but we might have enough left to pay for Pop’s cremation, and cover his final bills, afterward, at least.

It was going to be about how a will, even when drawn up by an attorney … who, at the time of the writing, witnessing and signing, assured us that the will was worded in a special way so that on my father’s passing, the properties would immediately transfer to me, and we would not have to go through courts and probate … is a worthless piece of paper.  Suddenly, the lawyer insists he “never said that”, and the county courts are taking their cut, too.  But, you see, they don’t have time for us, because this is just an estate settlement, and they are booked up with criminal cases.  We still hang in limbo, can’t get access to accounts, can’t pick up Dad’s ashes, and haven’t even been able to really sit down and have a good cry.

And now, the sudden shift, as I am gently reminded that new doors will open.  I don’t know where they will appear, or what they will lead to, but I do know they’re out there.  I still want to have that good cry, to give myself time and permission to miss my father without having to worry about bureaucratic red tape and fighting to protect all that he worked so hard for all his life.  But, I’m going to keep my eyes open, too, for whatever this loss is going to make possible.

When my Mom died in 2006, I tearfully asked her to help me get through it.  Within a few days, people began asking me, “Have you seen The Secret yet?”  That question led to a world of discovery, a life-path of learning and adventure that even after three and a half years, I know I’ve barely begun to travel.

Now, a new road, a new leg of the journey.  Although he is gone from this world, I do still believe in the depths of my heart, that my father walks that path beside me.

Eventually, the leeches will have been left behind, and new doors will have opened that will allow me to keep my Dad’s dream alive.  This beautiful little plot of land on a mountainside, the culmination of decades of hard work in the subway tunnels of the South Bronx, is holy ground to me.  My heart’s desire is to keep it safe, to keep it sacred, and to make sure it is secured for my children, and my children’s children, and further generations beyond.

So, I’ll allow the tears to fall.  I’ll deal with the vultures and bureaucrats as they appear.  And I’ll keep my eyes pealed for that chunk of chocolate in the peanut butter.

PS: I would like to extend a heart-felt, thank-you to all the friends who have expressed their sympathies, and been there to support me through these painful days.  You are loved and deeply appreciated.

PPS: And the attorney’s office just called.  The court refuses to believe I’m the sole heir and the will is uncontested.  We need to find a second witness, other than family, to prove that my father wasn’t lying when the lawyer made out the will.  So, I’ll give that warning to all now … make sure your loved ones, your heirs, your beneficiaries’ names are on your accounts, on your property deeds, before you die.  There are Leeches and Predators out there just waiting to take everything away from them, to kill your dreams, and to wipe out all memory of you, when you die.

PPPS: Thank you, Scott, for saving the day.

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