Pickin' Squirrel Bones

One of Darcy's rescues, "Chipper"

My friend Darcy rescues squirrels.  She takes them in as little orphans, raises them lovingly, prepares them for the wild, and then releases them so they can be “real squirrels” again.  Unlike her husband Wes, who does not name wildlife (this has sort of become a running joke, perpetuated by the likes of “Oscar”, “Deja Vu”, “One-Eyed Susie”, etc), she gives each squirrel a name…and it amazes me that Darcy can actually tell them apart.

My thoughts on squirrels?  “Better her than me”.

Oh, they’re cute.  They’re energetic, lively, resilient, funny little beings.  They have unbounded energy, and one can’t help but respect their enthusiasm for life.  However, I have a bone to pick with squirrels.

You see, my rescue love, wildlife-style, anyway, is baby songbirds.  In order to release them properly, I need to keep secure feeding stations filled, so that the little ones can have plenty of sustenance available as they learn to find their wild foods in the area.

This has been made more of a challenge than necessary…thanks to squirrels.

Every morning, I take two one pound coffee cans full of seed out to my front feeders–the good stuff, too.  It’s the kind with less waste, that includes goodies like dried cherries and peanuts and raisins.  It’s the expensive stuff, as I want to make sure my birdies have a wide variety of good things to eat.  I fill those front yard feeders, and an hour later…they’re empty.

I run back and forth, scolding and chasing, but the little beasties just keep coming.  Although I probably have more than just the three, and some of what I’m seeing may of course be different squirrels, the ones I’ve spoken to, anyway, appear to be a pair of red squirrels and a single very large and extremely fluffy gray.

You know, if the squirrels were actually eating the food, I don’t think I’d mind it as much.  They’re not, though.  They’re hoarding it.  I mean, come on, three squirrels can’t possibly eat, or even remotely require, two one pound cans full of bird seed every morning.  The red squirrels tell me they have babies (oh that’s just wonderful, more squirrels to feed) but heck, they could be feeding their babies, their siblings, their first, second and third cousins, and their late Uncle Pete’s third wife’s sister in law’s entire extended family–and still have three fourths of that seed left over every day.

Even hoarding that much seed is useless.  It would rot months before they got to eat it all, and probably long before they’ll even need to tap into their stores this coming winter.

Now, you know me.  You know I’d never hurt an animal.  You know I love all wild creatures.  But I have to confess, these squirrels are pretty darned frustrating.  The red squirrels insist they need the food for the babies.  When I try to convince the gray squirrel he’s taking more than he needs, he simply cannot wrap his mind around the thought that there is such a thing as “more than he needs”.   He just brushes me off and goes on his little obsessive-compulsive pathological hoarder’s way.  I recall, when studying Native American philosophy, lessons about the wild brethren and how they take only what they need and do not waste the earth’s resources.

All respect intended, but I have a feeling the teacher who penned that lesson never met a squirrel.

I’m paying through the nose for really good, expensive bird seed…and the darned squirrels are stuffing their cheeks, over and over again, and throwing it away!

I’ve tried various deterrents.  So far the squirrels have figured them all out.  They get around the barriers–and those squirrel proof bird feeders that close the ports when the squirrel steps on the bar?  Those only work for gray squirrels to start with, as if you set them sensitive enough for red squirrels they also close on the blue jays and cardinals and doves.  As to the gray squirrels, the feeders only work until the squirrel figures out all he has to do is sit on the roof of the feeder and hold on to the edge.  Then he can lean over and snick the seeds through the ports.

I’ve tried feeding “squirrel foods” of various kinds.  They like the expensive bird seed mix better (who wouldn’t? With all those cherries and peanuts, it smells good enough for me to eat!)

For a while, I was refilling feeders in the afternoons, but that just gave the squirrels twice as much food to waste.  When I release my rescue babies, I’ll be setting up more feeders in the back yard as well…no doubt the squirrels will enjoy that tremendously.

Before starting this post, I had just loaded up my container of seed, and gone out to fill the feeders for the day.  As I stepped out onto the front deck, a blur of fur ducked under the big spruce trees near the feeders:  a gray squirrel, two red squirrels…and a pair of chipmunks.

Great.  Just bleepin’ great.  They’ve invited the neighbors.

Related posts:

1. Baby Bird Season, ’010 (And Then There Were Ten)
2. Baby Birds Grow So Fast!
3. Birds and Bird Sanctuaries